Its Saturday. A Saturday with the Lurking Nergle. That means paracetamol and hot ginger and turmeric drink as well as a day at home. The horses have been put into our yard thereby saving us from some of the mowing. I have reached a more relaxed state than I was in.

I am feeling even more comfortable with the arrival of my electricity bill. We were told costs would be SOARING and they kind of are but the comfort that leads to my relaxing is contained in the cheerful newsletter they sent out with the Bill.

The Newsletter is called OUTLOOK. They also sent a sticker for the door which says :


My  favourite page is the One Minute Moving manual.  I tell you, I don’t mind paying more for my electricity if it means I get the Outlook Newsletter with such handy hints as :

      1. Book a removalist.
      2. redirect your mail
      3. save newspapers to wrap, pad and save your breakables
      4. leave important items with family or friends
      5. and connect gas and electricity at your new place.

Gee thanks ORIGIN ENERGY. And the cost of designing, producing and delivering the cheery newsletter to each house is ???????????






Okay then. True eBENCH sitting times. I don’t think that resilience is my forte. I seem to be taking body blows this year. Now the MOB from Armidale tell me they are moving way South. 1000kms South. I thought that was going to happen. Bugger it. Back in 2002, when my life was more than a little sordid is when the theme, “ my life is like a country and western song”  came into my awareness. It seems to have come right back in 2011. Just when I think we’re on a  final chorus, Life writes another dud verse for me.

So I am sitting here on the Bench and howling at the invisible moon. I could be persuaded to learn yodelling and clog dancing. They all seem comforting to those who indulge in them. At least they allow an extreme outlet of moon howling.

Its not that others don’t have more appalling things happen to them. Its not that things couldn’t be a lot worse. Its just that I am done in and have had enough.

My platelets are dropping

My sister’s passed on.

Someone broke the kid’s leg

and the Mob’s moving South.

Please God don’t let

one more cuss word

come out of my mouth. 

I simply have to get a grip on something about life. I can make it through today. Friday. Just sit here on the Bench and not move. The kookaburra is on the bottom branch and Leo, the horse, looks in as bad a state as I do. I can have a hot shower and go back to bed. That will get me through most of today. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you hope they will. I don’t think I shall bother about rallying this time. The month has been very long.




I wonder what my star patterns are this year. Lets check ASTRODIENST which gives some rather insightful Thursday comments.  I really need to change the way I am handling things this year. My life is again looking like the next verse of a country and western song. Give me till the Morning and I shall see how I am looking at things then. In the meantime – ASTRODIENST = its free Thursday.



Weighty concerns

Valid during many months: At this time your avenues of communication with others are stabilized and solidified. Also you will probably create a set of fully formulated goals and expectations for the next several years. Therefore it is very important to take this time very seriously and be very aware of what you are doing, because the patterns that you establish now will be very hard to alter and will determine the success or failure of your relationships over the next several years.

It is very important to learn other people’s views of you as a human being and as a member of society. But this does not mean you should take everyone’s words at face value and deny all your own beliefs. You may have an exaggerated respect for someone else’s views and give them more credence than they are worth. You should simply talk to the people whom you personally respect and use what they say to help you come to conclusions about yourself. Older people may be especially helpful in this process.

Because of the weighty concerns that are occupying your mind at this point in your life, you will prefer serious work and the company of serious people. Of course, at times you will want to relax and enjoy yourself, but generally this is a period when discipline, organization and growth are your paramount concerns.

If you don’t handle this influence well, you will have considerable difficulty with your relationships in the years to come. And these difficulties will be the result of unfortunate patterns established now. The border between discipline and habit is often hard to distinguish, but that is precisely the difference that you have to keep in mind at this time. Habit is mindless and unconscious, whereas discipline is self- imposed and suited to achieving your goals.

Saturn Sextile Ascendant, ,
activity period from end of October 2010 until beginning of August 2011

Creative revolution

Valid during many months: This influence represents a period of massive changes, which you share with almost everyone of about the same age. Therefore the causes of these changes may be larger social forces that are outside of your personal sphere of life.

This combination of forces carries the symbolism of creative revolution; that is, you may be in revolt against many of the factors that have made your life routine and devoid of new challenge and interest. Many elements of your life will pass away suddenly and be gone with little or no warning, even elements that you have felt were a permanent part of your life. This can occur in just about any area of your life, but personal and professional relationships will be very strongly affected.

Your central problem during this time will be one of attitude. Obviously, the greater your psychological investment in having conditions remain exactly as they are now, the more you will suffer. The more flexible you are, the better off you will be. In fact, if you can look upon this influence as an opportunity to restructure your life creatively, you may be able to take considerable control of the process. If you fight these changes you will be a victim of them to some degree.

You have to understand that although these changes have emerged suddenly in your life, their origins are in the past, and the forces behind them have been at work for many years. And you must recognize that these forces are inherent in the way things have been! Preventing these changes is practically impossible and not even desirable.

You should learn to flow with the great changes that are happening to you now, and you should even make yourself an active agent in bringing them about. Throw away everything that has outlived its purpose in your life; seek changes in your relationships; find ways to make new starts in as many areas as possible. Above all, do not spend your time moping about and wishing for the “good old days.” That will only put you out of touch with the world and less and less able to live in it.

Pluto Opposition Uranus, ,
activity period from end of January 2010 until end of November 2011

A breath of fresh air
Valid during many months: Your life will now receive a breath of fresh air, probably because you find it easier to be true to yourself. Other people will be swept along by your vivacity if you don’t make the mistake of shutting them out of your present actions. True freedom and independence are not reflected by a stubborn attempt to go it alone, but rather by the joy of sharing personal experiences. A change of job might mean that you get to know fascinating people with unusual ideas or radically different ways of seeing things unlike anything you have ever come across. Talk to your partner about such experiences, otherwise he could easily feel left out. This unusually positive influence can also help you to breathe new life into any existing relationship – not so much by starting new activities, but by removing any long term tension within it.

Any new challenges at work could contain hidden opportunities. Don’t wait for someone to point these out, because this is unlikely to happen. Try instead to trust your intuition, and have the courage to take such fortunate opportunities by the horns. This will help you to grow more independent, which will enable you to make more of your own decisions at work. This is all the more likely if your work involves contributing something of significance to the wider society, or if it can help you to take you a step closer to your own ideals and visions.

Chiron Trine Uranus, ,
activity period from middle of April 2011 until end of December 2012






Ah. Night time. A much happier day for me. The Baby was up walking about with one leg still in plaster and I took a drive up South Arm Road which is one of my favourite roads. It follows the river almost all the way. In the 1800s and early 1900s there were little settlements out there. Tarkeeth was one of them.  I lived out there for a time. It was out at South Arm in the A Frame that I encountered the donkey. I didn’t know that donkeys has crosses on their backs. It was out there that our little dog Mort, was killed by a red car. It was out there that I last fished. That’s where I met the silver bream who looked at me and ruined my life as a fisherwoman. Drifting along pre dawn so I was when I hooked the Bream. I haven’t felt inclined to fish since that Bream eyeballed me.

Today was a happy day. That’s how mourning goes for me. In and out like the tides. The little one was hobbling and laughing with joy. We ventured out into the gardens with her in the pram and down to the Faerie Garden in the Bush which she loves. One wee wallaby hopped off as we came close. I’m not sure whether or not we saw Faeries but I am pretty sure that Faeries saw us.

Tonight I am playing online Scrabble and eating Belgian Chocolate. I am wondering about Faeries and I am wondering about Walking.

I wonder. I shall enter the Internet Archive and look for Faeries.

phantastesfaerie00macduoft_0119 storiesfromfaer00unkngoog_0065
fairy The Sydney Morning Herald (NSW 1842 - 1954), Thursday 19 July 1934 fairy2 The Sydney Morning Herald (NSW 1842 - 1954), Thursday 10 October 1935,



BIB BUB 2 The Mail (Adelaide, SA  1912 - 1954), Saturday 19 April 1941,

BIB BUB 2 The Mail (Adelaide, SA  1912 - 1954), Saturday 19 April 1941,

BIB BUB 2 The Mail (Adelaide, SA  1912 - 1954), Saturday 19 April 1941,



If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble.  Moliere



Go now to a good place, not an evil one; go to the road of the sunshine, not the road of the rains; go where there are neither mosquitoes nor march-flies, but where there are pigs in plenty and taro in plenty…and we shall make a feast in your honour, and payment to those who have mourned you. A man from Oro Province as quoted in F E Williams, Orokaiva Society.







Yaaning Time again.

It seems to be a tough year this year.  It IS a tough year. I think someplace inside I had allowed the opinions of others to slip in again and have placed invisible limits on my mourning and my grief. Me and Leo the horse are quietly in mourning out here during the days when the others are all away at school and work.

The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid  farewell.

I wear my pyjama pants a lot and play Scrabble online. I don’t seem able to function very well and life is a little muddled in my head. I feel useless and concerned for my nieces and nephew and daughter. I still see my sister’s strange little puzzled frown and the one tear falling and still feel the waiting for her next breath which didn’t come.

Its coming up for 6 months. I make myself the pledge right here and right now as I once did with my mother, to mourn just as long and just as deep as the mourning requires of me. I also accept whatever changes that might bring into my life. Pretending is of no use whatsoever.

Maybe today I shall call Bellingen Council and get some quotes on burial sites and plaques. I have my parent’s ashes here. 1/3 of them anyways and I fancy a spot on the Hill at Urunga, looking out to sea across the Lagoon.

I reclaim my own oddly formed Shabbos day and develop my own Mourning pattern. Rather, I let it develop me.

I am also watching old time daytime TV shows. In the aforementioned pyjamas.

And letting my heart ache for as long as it needs to and as much as it needs to.

Now to form my own Mourning.


A person’s possessions and weapon’s are often disposed of or buried with them during the ceremony. In some areas burial poles are erected at burial grounds or stencil markings and paintings would show where loved ones were buried in caves.Ceremonies last days, weeks and even months depending upon the beliefs of the language group. During these ceremonies often strict language rules apply. With close family members restricted to not being able to talk for the whole period of mourning.



The immediate family members of the deceased traditionally wear black clothing for at least forty days. During this time they do not participate in social occasions — parties or family celebrations — and they do not dance or listen to music. Many individuals choose to extend this period to one year or even longer, and in some cases, widows or widowers continue to wear black for the rest of their lives.


Pō Atarau
(Now is the Hour)
Pö atarau
(On a moonlit night)
E moea iho nei
(I see in a dream)
E haere ana
(You going away)
Koe ki pämamao
(To a distant land)
Haere rä
Ka hoki mai anö
(But return again)
Ki i te tau
(To your loved one)
E tangi atu nei (Weeping here)

because Susan loved New Zealand.

Tangi a te ruru,
kei te hokihoki mai e
E whakawherowhero
i te putahitanga
Näku nei ra
koe i tuku haere
Tëra puritia iho
nui rawa te aroha e
Te Hokinga Mai,
tëna koutou
Tangi ana te ngäkau
i te aroha
Tü tonu ra te mana
te ihi o nga tipuna
kua wehea atu rä
Mauria mai te mauri tangata
hei oranga mo te mörehu
tangi mökai nei
E rapu ana i te ara tika
mo tätou katoa
Te Hokinga Mai,
Te Hokinga Mai
Tü tangata tonu !
The cry of the morepork
keeps coming back to me.
It is hooting out there
where the paths meet.
I was the one
who allowed you to go.
It was curbed,
my deep love for you
Te Hokinga Mai,
How my heart weeps
in (sorrowful) love.
Stand tall, the prestige
(and) the awe of the ancestors
who have passed on.
Bring back the true spirit of the people
to help heal the survivour
crying with loneliness (lit. like a captive)
(and) searching for the true path
for all. (This stanza sung twice)
Te Hokinga Mai!
Te Hokinga Mai!
Stand tall!

King James Bible
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.



It is traditional to place a small stone on a grave. This act is like leaving a calling card. It is not intended to be a sign to the deceased person. A stone is simple and basic, a natural product of the earth, yet a symbol of eternity, representing our commitment to uphold the memory of the deceased.
Little stones may be found on the cemetery ground. The JCT provides stones which are stored on the porch of the cemetery office.
It is customary to wash the hands after leaving the graveside. This washing is an affirmation of life after involvement with death. JCT has facilities for washing on the porch of the cemetery office. Further taps are located in each section of the cemetery. See map.



From the Old French grève, meaning heavy burden.

From the 9th century Old English murnan; was combined with “ing” in the 13th century; the act of sorrowing.


Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.   William Shakespeare



Accept the inescapable fact that grief is the ransom you pay for loving well. So tell others of your love and the pain of your loss. Remember that it is normal for those internal feelings to persist and there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do for weeks, months or longer. Allow the process to naturally unfold and don’t try to cut it short.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/592453

Eccl. 3:4. “[there is] a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.


I don’t wish to be helped out of this state. I don’t wish to ‘come good’. As someone who took an exit route from life too early and for too long, I know that the easier, softer ways don’t work for me. Travelling the Path of the Mourner WILL and IS working. It will lead me to a better place than any I have known before and I have known some very good places.


Sometimes, when one person is absent, the whole world seems depopulated

Allphonse de Lamartine

COLOURFUL: Weekly Photo Challenge: Colourful



















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