11 AUGUST 2011 : ESTAP : THE WATERFALL WAY

keans coach

KEANS’ COACHES : WE ARE KEAN TO HAVE YOU TRAVEL WITH US.

LOOKING AT A MOUNTAIN.

So, why would I decide to go up the mountain. There would have to be either a reason to leave where I was or a reason to go to the top of the mountain or a combo of both.

REMINDER TO ME : THINGS TO THINK ABOUT.

THE CLIMB UP

DISCOVERIES ON THE MOUNTAIN

THE RETURN JOURNEY OR THE STAYING ON THE MOUNTAIN OR THE MOVING ON.

THE YAAN.

I’m sitting here on the eBENCH early this morning.  Watching the horse, Leo, pee in the paddock. I guess I am a little plateau-ed out.  I still can’t stretch to anything clever or creative so I am sittin’ here. It’s the Eve of the anniversary of the day I got clean in 1987. Even all this time later, I tend to descend into darker emotions and ugly places of the Spirit as the anniversary approaches. Whispering Daemons get into my head and it hurts and tears are just behind my eyelids. It feels like I have climbed just one mountain too many. I can see the next one just before me and I know enough about metaphorical mountaineering to be able to see some of the hazards and sufferings involved in climbing that one. Dagnab it. I don’t seem to have this climb in me.

Later today I shall put together a collection of the Mountains I have climbed in 24 years of recovery from addiction. I will put little Flags on top of each one and then I shall sit right back down in the Electronic  Rest House and begin to think about gathering  together all the things I shall need for the next travelling stage and to begin seriously thinking about all the things which aren’t right for it. Perhaps its time to ride horses and wear sandals. I must be coming close to a breakthrough stage here or my head wouldn’t be hurting like this.  Seems I am also close to letting some things remain behind or the tears wouldn’t be attempting to create their own WATERFALL WAY.

 

 

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