7 OCTOBER 2011 : STRUGGLING

005

THE YAAN.

I am going to go on with the GEM COLLECTION again tonight.  I don’t think anyone but me and Mary Ellen reads it but I like it and so I keep making it.  This is one of my struggling weeks. Lets laugh aloud at that. It’s a struggling year. My meetings are down way too low and I am way depressed. I rarely use the term depression – because I can find other words to describe it – but I surely am struggling.  Almost every area of my life has been threatened and/or harmed in the last 12-24 months. Dreams have crumbled. A loved one has died and a whole batch of others have moved 1000kms away. A rare relationship is shimmering its way out of existence and my home is likely to be lost as a result. My health has sucked and eating worms is beginning to look good to me. 

Waking up the other morning to find that Alec Donald had died in the night just broke me all up. Sometime in the next few days, I shall get my head back into programmed thinking, start doing the things I need to do to get sane again and maybe I shall be able to find something to bring me out of the Ooze.

I don’t think I am depressed so much as just plain sad.

Sad for the people hurting. Worried about my own future. Lonely for my loved ones.  Leave me with that for the Night. I can get back to the good things tomorrow.

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