HANG ON : I HAVE A SHRUNKEN DREAM.

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My cottage in Bilambil.

THE YAAN : Now, that’s a bit of a shock. To suddenly realise that my dream is well and truly shrunken. Best enlarge it. For one thing, I don’t want those kitchen cupboards imported intact from another land, usually white with silly corner units.  I wonder, when precisely I became afraid and shrank the dream. My hopes are shrivelling on the vine and I have myself just about ready for the Old People’s Home. Thing is – there isn’t any room at the Old People’s Home anyways so best I breathe some real life into my future. Resuscitate my own Life. I am even back worrying about what YOU think when I post blog entries. Tut. Tut. Tut. 

Might pick the best from some other places I have lived or visited or simply been shown. Things I would surely like to bring into my next Home. One Keyword Per Pic.

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IMMACULATE

WOODEN WALLS

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ROOM WITH A VIEW

A VIEW

AND AN EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE BED.

18 JANUARY 2012 : IT ALMOST FLOODED.

It really did ALMOST flood.

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JACK THE HORSE AND THE OLD WHITE PONY IN THE FRONT PADDOCK.

THE YAAN : Best I attempt to write my 250 words regardless of the mind blank. It DID almost flood and I DO like tonic water – a lot.And the passionfruit vine has been the most joyful thing in this Summer for me. I can’t usually grow anything and here’s this vine taking over the wall and the windows and thriving with an ancient and reassuring sub-tropical lushness. The rest of the Summer has been an ALMOST for me. I wonder what the emotional difference is between drowning way out at sea with no sight of land – or drowning very close to the shore but not quite able to reach it.

The passionfruit actually exists. No almost for the passionfruit vine. Its growing right up through the guttering and I can lie on my bed and pretend I am somewhere just that little bit more exotic and lush. The passionfruit flowers are here. I don’t know about fruit and I don’t care. I just wanted the vine and I have it.

I almost had a flat the other day. I appeared to have it and then the schoolteacher who’s renting it out said she won’t do Centrelink forms. Almost had it. Same thing today. A smaller less appealing place – this time I asked at the beginning. She doesn’t do Centrelink forms either.  Almost her first words to me were that she ‘ has depression’. Perhaps it’s better not to put us together under one roof. Especially since my roof would have been under her house.

Centrelink Forms are simply forms that state the address I am living at and the amount I am paying for rent. Centrelink is our Social Security and I am on a Disability Support Pension. Without the forms signed, I can’t get payment  or assistance with my rent.

Seems traditional methods of finding a new HOME are almost working but not quite – so I shall take some time and do some inner casting and see what I can create before I go out in the world looking again.

10 THINGS I WANT TO ELIMINATE.   high rent
bad smells coldness in winter cats
chook poop itchiness and skin pestilence dirt and grime
bad phone reception sadness disarray
     
10 THINGS I HAVE WHERE I AM LIVING NOW AND WISH TO RETAIN   safety
animals birds security
easy access lots of doors and windows peace and beauty
independence respect passionfruit and other vines
     
10 THINGS I WANT TO BRING INTO MY NEW HOME   joy
natural materials like mud and timber totally deadly internet water and a jetty and a boat
swimming order and office space plenty of homespace for visitors and loved ones
bathtub much love and spiritual and emotional and mental health ginger and gardens and colour

I will refine this vision at a later date.

Today’s small change :  Didn’t even try to convince myself that the depressed lady and me would get on.

DO NOT CHOOSE A HOME FROM FEAR LYNNE.